Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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