I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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