this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Girls should come with a carfax report
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
soo... how was my night?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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