listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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