just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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