Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
