did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
