atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
