she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
