He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
