Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
