no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
