hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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