Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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