I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
