just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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