i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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