the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
