The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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