In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
