May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I love you.
Bad choice
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
