I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
