i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
