At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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