Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
