I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
