He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
