I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize