pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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