We won't sleep together?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm just crazy horny about you
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
