Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize