Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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