Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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