Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
