i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
