You're so nebulous sometimes
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
