textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
