Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
