new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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