He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
