I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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