I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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