So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
