There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
