Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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