then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
