I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
