you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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