i need an iv and a liver transplant
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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