dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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