cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
