so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
