do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize