my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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