oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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