I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
