I think I died a long time ago.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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