im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
