So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
