Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize