Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
