I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Randomize
