you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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