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Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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