Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
