oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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