Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
