I hate all girls vehemently.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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