I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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