remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
