my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
