You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
