Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize