What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
