"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
