i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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