Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
