wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
