Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
