He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
